Work experience: NASA, movie theatres.
In both careers I have been promoted repeatedly and
tripled my initial compensation.
Education: Master of Science, Bachelor of Arts.
I have studied computer science and performance art.
Languages fluent: English, JavaScript, Java, C.
Languages familiar: C++, Ruby, PHP.
Skills: Object-oriented design and development; code review; unit testing; computer graphics; project management; DevilOps
Publications: Yes.
Tools known: Not relevant. Process should not be tightly coupled to tools.
I will work remotely from an unspecified location.
I require leave during December and January for a self-diagnosed
seasonal disorder.
I require leave during July and August for secret reasons.
I will not report hours. I will not comply with your business practices or adopt your organizational culture, except by coincidence. I have adjusted my requested compensation below the market rate accordingly.
I will do what I want when I want and will trust you to terminate my employment if I contribute insufficient value.
You will not see my face or learn my name during my employment.
Any exceptions to this will be coordinated with your Human Resources
department (or similar) to minimize the scope of the privacy
infringement.
If hired, I will continue to solicit and consider other offers of employment. I will request increases in compensation whenever I believe that I desire them.
Minority-owned businesses and cooperatives will receive preference.